HER POV

It was one fine early morning in our district with birds twittering on the tree branches, squirrels beginning their food hunt and sun hues falling over the Haveli and the garden in front of it, followed by the huge wrought iron main door. While sitting on the stairs of our Haveli's entrance and looking at the water splashing out of the fountain just a few feet away from me, I was thinking of how this morning looked pleasing, it was anything but that.

We, the people of Mansukhdhar were fighting our daily survival battle. Mansukhdhar district was situated near the borders of Jodhpur shared by Jaisalmer. Our district comprises of 8 villages. It's rich in aluminium and gypsum mines and is the 3rd largest producer of vegetable oil in the entire state. My father Raghuvir Maan Singh is the District Chief and Sarpanch of our village- Roohgarh, and my mother Rukmani Maan Singh is the head principal of this district's schools.

But Mansukhdhar has lost its essence and life for more than 8 months. The district is facing pest attack adversities in many considerable parts. Due to this people are suffering crop failure and a vegetation crisis. If this situation continued, people would soon suffer from poor drinking water quality.

I endured this pain every day. The people you love and have lived your life with for more than 25 years, witnessing them suffering every day, kills you every moment.

Everyone from the Mayor to the Subordinates to the other district government employees was grieving over this issue helplessly. We had asked for help from the State Government but their help could not do much as the vegetation requirement in the district is much larger than the number of crop containers we receive every month. Because the State Government had to meet the requirements of other drought-stricken districts. We could understand that but we also had to answer our people.

Concerning this matter, my father Raghuvir Maan Singh has put up a meeting this week, with other district's Mayor and Magistrate who are comparatively more affluent than us. Many other districts and states have offered to help us in this tough situation.

My father and brother have been preparing documents, day and night for this meeting for about a month or two. My mother is also busy collecting revenue data from all school trusts. I on the other hand submitted the documents, last night, regarding the financial report, as I handle finances for the family's mining and other businesses. And likewise, everyone in the district, was busy for the Meeting Day, hoping for the best.

"You are sitting here, I've been looking for you everywhere," I heard Sunaina, my sister's voice.

Sunaina is my cousin-sister, 3 months younger than me. She is a sweet girl and my sister cum friend. She is the daughter of my father's younger brother, her father and mother passed away in a car accident 10 years ago. Since then my parents have been like her parents too. My elder brother, Manav Man Singh is a father figure to her. Sunaina is much closer to him than my father.

"Where are you lost?" She asked.

"Nowhere, I was just here for my morning walk," I replied, smiling a little. Her face was saddened upon hearing me.

"You don't have to lie to me," she said. "Everything is going to be okay in a few days. Don't you worry!" She said assuring me a little.

I smiled looking at her, being a family we could understand each other very well. We both were each other's support from childhood.

"Yes, it sure is," I said while smiling at her, and got up. She smiled and held my hand.

"Let's go now, we have to get ready before your soon-to-be in-laws' arrival." She said grinning. I tensed upon hearing that and my heartbeats raced.

"Don't panic, it's going to be alright. We all are here for you" she said assuringly.

I nodded, comprehending that today might be the day my engagement date gets fixed. Uneasiness ran through my body.

We both headed inside our haveli which is a three-story building. Passing the open verandah, we headed towards the stairs on the left corner of the verandah, leading to the first floor. The first floor is shared by me, Sunaina and my brother's family. My room is next to the stairs.

We reached upon my bedroom door and I pushed the doors open, beside the door, on the left was my huge bookshelf and handmade artisan showcase. We entered and witnessed sunlight falling on my balcony. I went straight towards the balcony and looked at Ishani playing in the back garden before pulling the drapes open.

"I'll be here reading my book by the time you get ready fast and then we'll head for the preparations." She said while lying on my bed that was on the left side of the room. I nodded.

To the right of the room was my bathroom and my closet and in between those doors was a small closet-size open space, sheltered by a wooden folding screen.

I took my clothes from the closet and entered the bathroom.

"Do not take too long or Badi ma-sa will get angry while waiting for us." She said.

"Do not enjoy yourself too much with that book, while I'm in here. Or we'll be late for sure." I said and she gasped. I laughed hysterically, knowing she was reading a romance novel.

I chose to take a quick shower instead of a bath as we were getting late and came out quickly in a towel and went behind the folding screen, to change into the purple, three-quarter-sleeved, flared Anarkali suit.

"Radhika, what do you think, will dadi-sa agree to your marriage alliance today?" She asked.

"I don't know but since Baba-sa already did the roka ceremony at his house last week, I don't think she has much of a choice," I said.

"Yeah right!" she giggled. "Hey! Did you ask for his photo from Badi ma-sa?" she asked.

"NO. And I will not." I replied strictly.

"What? Why not? At least take a look if he's worth marrying or not," she said.

"Asking for the photograph won't do any good. I don't think I have much of a choice. At this point, I'll marry anyone who's not Angad." I said.

"Don't worry Radhika no one will marry you off to Angad if you don't wish to. But don't punish yourself by not making choices for your own life." Sunaina said.

"You don't deserve this," she expressed her worry.

"Baba-sa has been very tense lately, regarding my marriage commitment with Angad. He didn't say much but I know for a year and a half that Angad's family would have been coercing him a lot, making him recall Dada-sa's words." I said and continued.

"So I'm trying not to be a headache for the family. So whomever Baba-sa believes is suitable for me I'll marry him. It doesn't matter if he's good-looking or not, compatible or not. I believe my father will choose the most suitable for me." I came out of the folding screen and walked to the dressing table wearing the suit.

I began wearing a smaller-size bindi, royal purple bangles on my right hand and a rose gold bracelet on my left one, which was gifted by my grandmother. After combing my waist-length hair I wore my dupatta, took my gold hoop nose ring and sat next to her.

"Help me!" I said while handing her the nose ring.

She started adjusting the ring on my nose and said,

"Radhika we all love you, we will support you all in all. You don't have to suppress your choice and liking for the sake of any fear. You have already done that once. And it's enough now. If there's anything in the world that bothers you, you know I will be right there with you. So never suppose that you are alone in this. Got it?"

She said and I nodded to her smiling a little, and got up after wearing the nosering.

"Let's go maa-sa will be waiting for us," I said and she got up.

We headed downstairs and Gunita, our house helper stopped us midway in the verandah.

"Radhika didi, Dadi-sa is asking for you," Sunita said hastily.

Sunaina and I alarmingly looked at each other.

"I guess you should talk to her now. Don't be scared. If there is anything you need, call me. Bye," Sunaina said and ran away from there leaving me alone.

Not being left with any choice I had to go visit her and face her outrage. I nodded to Sunita in response and headed towards her room.

Dadi-sa was not happy about my marriage alliance with anyone other than Angad. She had refused all the proposals that came in the last 4 years. She wanted me to marry him, as our alliance was fixed at the age of 7. Everyone in the family was convinced of this marriage. But due to my continuous disinterest and repeated rejection, my father called off the wedding last year. He was unhappy with my decision but did not say anything. He said he would not send me away from him unhappily. I was on cloud nine when I heard he called off the wedding. But Dadi-sa didn't appreciate his decision so she still rejected two proposals that came last year.

But this time when the proposal came, about a month ago, from a city in Jaisalmer for an affluent well-to-do businessman with a good family background and upbringing, my father did not take a second to say yes to the proposal. He didn't ask dadi-sa for her approval, and last week he went to their house in the city, along with my mother and did the roka ceremony.

Passing from the living room I turned into a hallway and knocked on her room door.

"Come in!" she said in her cold and booming voice.

Hesitantly I entered and saw her sitting on her bed while resting her back over the headboard. I walked further and she ordered.

"Close the door."

I went back and closed the door. And then walked up to her, while sitting on the edge of the bed I asked.

"Dadi-sa aapne bulaya?"

"Aapko pata hai aapke rishte k liye log aa rhe hain aaj?" she asked. And I nodded a little while gazing at my fingertips.

"Hum chahte hain aap is rishte se inkaar kar dein." she ordered.

My heartbeat quickened and tension crept in as I heard that. I knew she wasn't happy but rejecting the proposal meant marrying Angad and I did not want that at any cost.

"But dadi-sa, baba-sa has already done the roka ceremony." I said hesitating a little.

"Do you even know who the boy is? Who his family is? Do you even know his name?" she asked in a cranky voice.

I was now embarrassed to answer that because I did not feel the need to collect information on those things as my father had fixed this proposal telling us that they come from a good and wealthy family background. My brother told me that he went to the city and did a background check and found out that they come from a commendable family. My mother, bhabhi and my sister all agreed to it. And so anticipating their decision I also agreed to it.

I shook my head in response while fidgeting my fingers and said.

"Bhai-sa aur Baapu-sa na-" She cut me off.

"Aap unki chinta na kare. Hum unse baat kar lenge." she said.

"Dadi-sa....umm...hu..hum inkaar nahi krna chahte." I said after collecting all my strength. And she straightened a little after hearing me and asked.

"Bhala kyu nahi?" she asked and continued.

"Aap ko khabar hai na ki aapke dada-sa ne aapka rishta saalo pehle hi tay kar diya tha Angad se. Unki jabaan ki kya keemat reh jaayegi agar yeh sambandh nahi hua. Aapke dada-sa Roohgarh ke Mukhiya the. Rutba tha unka poore gaon me. Samaj me baatein uthengi ki unke guzar jaane ke baad, unki kahi kisi baat ka, koi arth nahi hai. Kya yahi chahti hain aap?"

I did not know what to answer. She had a different perspective than mine on this marriage alliance. I clearly did not want people to demean my grandfather but also did not want to run into that unpromising marriage. Again collecting my strength a little I answered her.

"Dadi-sa that is not what I want. But I don't want to.. mar..marry Angad."

"Par kyu? Aap to bachpan se jaanti hai unhe. Achhe ghar ka hai, sanskari hai. Vivah ke baad sab achha ho jaayega. Aapko koi pareshani nahi hogi wahan." she said.

She indeed wasn't in the mood to hear a no. I was about to say something but she cut me off, saying.

"Vichaar kariyega is par. Vivaah ki baat kal pakki hogi. Samay hai aapke paas."

I nodded while saying, "ji dadi-sa." And stood up to leave. I reached the door and she spoke in a softer voice.

"Hum aapka bhala hi chahte hai Radhika. Aapke dada-sa ka dekha-suna parivar hai, unse bhool ni hogi. Bahut khush rahengi aap Angad ke saath."

I nodded and opened the door to leave. After leaving her room I straight away went to the kitchen wondering what was gonna happen to me in two days, or if I should reconsider my decision to not marry Angad.

I entered the kitchen and saw Sunaina helping my mother in cutting the salad. I straight away went to her and gave a slap on her back.

"Ouchh" she hissed and turned back to face me. "What?" she asked.

"You left me alone and ran away, right after promising me to almost fight a war for me." I whisper-yelled at her. She smiled slowly, showing her teeth and said.

"But we don't fight a war within the family, right?" and then started laughing awkwardly.

I gave her a blank look and started working on the dough for the puri. She hesitated a little but then asked softly.

"What did she say? Did she agree to the marriage?"

"No, not at all. She's asking me to reject this marriage proposal tomorrow." I said while shaking my head.

"What?" she yelled.

We looked around, and both Bhabhi and Maa-sa got tensed. Bhabhi walked into the kitchen worriedly, while carrying tomatoes and asked us,

"What happened to you both?"

We looked at each other and started smiling and laughing out of nowhere.

"Nothing just Sunaina told me a joke," I said looking at her and she started nodding her head quickly.

"Well, that joke of yours better not ruin my food preparations. Your in-laws are expected before lunchtime. So you better hurry." Maa-sa scolded us. And ran out of the kitchen hurriedly.

"Radhika when you are done here please get Ishani to take her bath and you also get ready in neater clothes," Bhabhi said. And I frowned upon hearing her.

"Neater? What do you mean, it looks beautiful to me" I said while looking at my lovely suit.

"This beautiful suit of yours has got beautiful flour stains, which your beautiful husband won't like," she replied, and I heard Sunaina giggling. I looked down at the stains in embarrassment.

"Bhabhi please don't tease like that," I complained.

"What tease? You know your husband is beautiful right," she said, behaving innocently. And Sunaina laughed hysterically.

"How would she know Bhabhi, she hasn't seen the photograph yet," Sunaina replied while giggling.

"What? Why?" she asked.

"I don't want to. I don't care if he's beautiful or not," I said and both of them started laughing.

I quickly finished my work in the kitchen and rushed to get Ishani from the garden.

Ishani is going to be three in a few months. She is adorable, and everyone's favourite. She is very playful for her age. After strolling inside the garden I found her playing with her giant ball. She looked at me and ran towards me opening her little arms. I picked her up and walked towards Bhabhi's room. I entered and saw Bhai-sa getting ready to leave for office.

"Baabaaaa!" Ishani screamed and he turned towards her and smiled.

He held her in his arms and said.

"My baby has been playing all morning. I believe it's time for you to begin your schooling," he said and she cried shaking her head, while chanting no. We both chuckled.

He played with her, by the time I collected her clothes and shoes. I took her with me and started walking out of the room, suddenly bhai-sa said.

"Radhika you're prepared for tomorrow, right? Your engagement date is going to be fixed by tomorrow. If there is anything you want to say to me, feel free."

Listening to his concern I wanted to tell him about Dadi-sa's conversation this second but couldn't gather the courage for it as I knew they both do not get along well. Putting a smile on my face I replied,

"Yes bhai-sa I'm sure of it. I trust you and everyone with this decision." he smiled upon hearing me and nodded.

I went straight to my room and took Ishani to the bathroom. I filled a small tub for her and took her clothes off. She jumped happily in the tub while I poured water all over her. She was happy, a free bird enjoying her moment. While I was not.

I was confused, and worried every second these days. Confused about whom to marry and whom not to. Will my decision regarding not marrying Angad be worth it? What would Dadi-sa do if I didn't change my mind according to her? I was worried about what my life would be like, after marrying the one my father chose.

I was in dilemma when the bathroom opened and I looked at Sunaina panting.

"What happened?" I asked.

"They're here. Your in-laws. They are here!" she exclaimed and I got up alarmingly.

"What?" I asked not believing that they'd come this early.

"Yeah! I'll take Ishani to her room, you go and get ready fast." She said.

She took Ishani with her leaving my room I got up confusingly not knowing what to do. I freshened myself in the bathroom and came back to the bedroom.

Opening my closet I shuffled a few of my attires but couldn't decide which one to wear. Fidgeting a little more, I closed my closet, opened my wooden trunk, and shuffled some of the outfits until I found one captivating floor-length, orange-coloured Anarkali suit. I picked it out placed it on the bed and after ironing a little, I quickly changed into it.

I walked to my dressing table and started applying a little make-up I bought from the city last month. I thought what if it's too much? What would they think? So I removed it a little. After applying lipstick I started combing my hair. I picked some rings, anklets and tangerine-color bangles and started wearing them one by one.

A thought came to my mind all of a sudden. Why was I doing all of this? I had no one to impress, no one to get excited for. The marriage was already fixed. Me getting all dolled up meant nothing to anyone. Don't know why but I got a little disheartened realising that I might not have a happy life even after I get married. I don't even know who that man is that my father chose, I don't even know his name. Never saw him, never talked to him. What if he turns out to be the same as Angad? I've been running away all my life from men like him. I didn't want to spend my life with someone like him.

Arghhh!! What do I do now?

This was not the time to back off. His family had come and mine would be excitedly welcoming them. I palmed my face and almost had tears in my eyes. I didn't know what to do now.

I waited for about an hour or so. No one came to call me. I was now impatient and wanted to go downstairs and look at what was going on. But I couldn't just go and meet them like this. Should I call Sunaina? But how? We only have two landlines in our home. One was in my parents' room and the other in the living room. Only my brother used to carry a cell phone.

What should I do now?

Should I hold off a bit longer?

I impatiently waited for another hour on my bed, and suddenly the door opened and Sunaina came inside. I immediately stood up and walked to her and asked.

"What took you so long?"

"Your in-laws want to do your roka ceremony today and engagement tomorrow. Everyone was discussing about that." She replied and my heart raced like a wild stallion.

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